A Waking Dream

The pain meds I was on gave me such vivid dreams.  IRael has told me stories of things I would shout in my sleep, or the conversations I would make when people tried to wake me.  It makes me wonder what was going on in my head during all this.

I remember dreaming I was working at Target and I kept thinking to myself, "I need to get back to the hospital" instead of being at Target.  No one there could see me though, I was kinda like a ghost.  I would stock products onto the shelves and keep thinking "ok, I'll stock this one last item, then I need to return to the hospital, my boss will understand..." but I would just go get more products to stock.

The other vivid hallucination I remember was once when I woke up I looked up and near the foot of my bed there was a man standing there.  I think my mom was in the room with me, but I couldn't see him the way I could see her.  He was like a shadow, faded, almost indistinct.  He was looking down at the floor near his feet and his arms were by his side.  He had long hair that hid his eyes from me.  I asked my mom who it was and she told me there was no one there.  At that point he started moving away from the bed towards the wall.  I held out my hand and told him not to be afraid, that he could come talk to me if he wanted.  But he didn't say anything, or change the expression on his face, or change his posture.  He just backed up to the wall, becoming more like a shadow, until he disappeared completely.

I have never had a dream feel so real.  I don't believe it was anything besides a dream, a hallucination.  But it felt so real, that I could reach out and touch him.  The power of the mind amazes me, that it can make something out of nothing and then convince our consciousness it exists.